i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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