I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
