i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
