I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
