He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
