we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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