absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Couch. On fire.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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