I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
