drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
