i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
