fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
