i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
