he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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