Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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