I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize