those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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