bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
