Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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