miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
