I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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