We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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