A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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