just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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