I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
