Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
