how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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