I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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