Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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