I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
