You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im part way to drunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
