My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
