I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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