i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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