So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
