She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
