I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
COCAINE IS GR8
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
