I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
