haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
