He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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