Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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