He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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