Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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