areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
