just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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