Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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