Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
