I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
