God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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