Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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