Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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