Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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