it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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