Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
