Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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