I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found puke in my bra..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
