she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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