They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize