are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
