lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
