are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
