She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
