I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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