Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
