I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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