Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
