just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
