so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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