If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
