I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
