i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
