and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
