I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
