there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
