I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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